The unsexiness of glasses: seen through the eyes of a -4 prescription

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Glasses have always been a fashionable item but I have never understood the idea that they can be sexy. As a female glasses-wearer, I feel I can illustrate just how complex lens-based seduction can be…

Freeze Frame

The moment of seduction begins on your date. Picture yourself walking to a pub through the frosty haze. You open the door and….BAM! You-have-exactly-15-seconds-to-find-and-get-to-the-person-you-are-meeting-before-your-glasses-steam-up-and-you-can’t-see-a-thing! If you don’t get there in time, you may find yourself reduced to taking off your glasses and waiting patiently for the freezing frames to de-steam, while pretending to read something very close on the wall.

Little Miss Piggy

As your glasses get older they inevitably change shape and slip down your nose and it is virtually impossible to not scrunch your nose when pushing them back up, leaving you looking like a little geeky piggy. Beware an accompanying snort.

Sexy Secretary

The sexy secretary fantasy is totally inaccurate and here is why. Peering sexily over the rim of your glasses is particularly difficult when you need the prescription to see. As you lower your glasses, it’s quite possible that with diminished accuracy you end up winking at the copier.

Mood Killer

If, luckily, you wink at the right person in the sexy secretary scenario and you get the desired result, your next tricky problem is the moment you begin fooling around with Mr. Right. It’s hotting up nicely but then…PAUSE… you just need to pop your glasses off and put them somewhere out of the way to avoid potential breakage. You’ll find the mood collapses, rather, as you blindly stumble back to your partner.

Stabby McStabberson

Assuming the last stages have been executed precisely, you now face a moment of complete relaxation – also known as cuddling. However, it isn’t that relaxing if you are as clumsy as me. You go to lay your head on the chest of your partner but the tiniest misjudgement risks stabbing him in the chest with the corner of your glasses. Cuddle time over.

Willy Wonky

If you successfully avoid the stabbing attack, the other risk is when cuddling to watch TV. With your head lying on its side, the frame of your glasses are pushed up against your partner and out of line with your eyes, enlarging them and making you look like an owl on pot.

Glasses may look good, they make look fashionable, they may even be a main prop for a sexy outfit but the skills of the person wearing them should NOT be underestimated – glasses are hard work!

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One thought on “The unsexiness of glasses: seen through the eyes of a -4 prescription

  1. hughchapmansblog says:

    I’m a glasses man and I’ve no objection to a bespectacled date, frames crashing together at intimate moments etc. You’re very right about the misting up issue though. 15 seconds if you’re lucky!

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